hello shitty i fucking hate you life. today i stared at you in the eye. i havent done that for the longest time and surely it was painful. then i realised that this is it, i cant continue keeping it all inside of me forever. this big heart became much smaller after all the shit life has put me through. it has moulded me into someone who keeps everything inside. someone who will fucking cry in front of your fucking shit face but still claim that she's happy. i did that once, i did that twice. and i can do it again. is this what you see me as? just go "oh it doesnt matter because ness doesnt have feelings. but even if she does, i know she'd forgive. i mean come on, it's ness. it's just a ness."

did you ever realize how fucking unfair it is to me? i wished you could take a walk in my shoes for a start. then maybe you would understand what's going on in my head, what's going on in it every night. every single fucking night. all the things that i thought were so easy, just gets harder and harder each day. i'm quite sure none of you saw this coming. yeah you're right. i'm not half as happy as i'm pretending.

you hurt me once, you hurt me twice. and you can do it again. but this time, i'm going to hurt you back twice as much as you did. the next time someone tries to push me around, i'm going to shove their fucking fat body off the building. and i dont just mean literally.

yeah i'm selifsh, so are you. dont all of us want the whole world to revolve around nothing but ourselves? welcome to the dark side if you agree with me. if we were to account for every single action we make, we'd have to admit it's for ourselves.

"if you understand my heart, you'll get what i'm saying." i quote bose.