i have chinese a's next week. sats next month. re papers next year. who wants to trade lives with me :(

okay to cheer my dreary life up a little i'll be going to san francisco for a few days then vegas to spend christmas and probably new year. :-) sf would mean a lot of stress to me cos bev and i will be going on campus tours alone.

you know i'm damn bummed over my life and how it has turned out to be. i need to constantly push myself but i am not pushing self hard enough. nothing will ever be enough. i feel like i have wasted this whole year wallowing in my own sadness and dealing with the leavers; when i could be out there proving to the world that i'm not one dimensional. this year was definitely a huge waste and i have a million regrets but we're supposed to live life without any right? i remember starting out this year with plans of joining this tennis club and to start ballet again. to do stuff that i really love for once you know? look where i am now.

fuck, this cold and heavy heart will remain in it's armour forever.
i am clearly very disappointed in myself.