January 9th, 2007
i cannot get you out of my thoughts and every bit of you is running through my blood stream. i need to find a compartment for all these troubles that i have. i want to shelf them up somewhere in my peasized brain. i'm thinking long term. i'm thinking one day that force you are using against me, is going to get so strong that it will affect the way i think. i wont be able to think straight and i will go crazy again.

December 11th, 2006
once again my heart got killed and it's starting to get bitter. the one who i knew that i was going to grow into loving confessed that there was no way he could love me because everything that could love in him, has died. i threw away all his daisies that came in almost every color and i still read his letters at least a few times before i go to bed every morning. i guess this is how life has decided to be with me. it hangs happiness in front of my face. dangles it. and when i reach out to take it with trembling and cautious hands, life just takes it away from me.

September 21st, 2006
this year i didnt talk to God as much as i planned to. i close my eyes. i close my heart. it's as if there's this thick stone wall between God and i. it doesnt feel the same anymore. it's nearly tragic.

I drew an 'X' today. And I drew it over my heart.
No one should ever be allowed to feel this way.