anywhere but here

i hate how the two girls i'm closest to are an effing 18 hour plane ride away. there's no one i can turn to here in singapore. i'm not sure if my new life here is working out for me. in school, everything's about climbing up the fucking social ladder. when i walk around school, people stare at me like i'm some kinda freak show. the syllabus is so hard, and i dont have anything smart to say in class. it's only the 3rd day and i already feel like quitting school.

i woke up this morning feeling like death- just like every other morning. i'm tired of this late night highs, and morning lows. i feel worthless. lately, alcohol has been my only friend. it helps me forget how imperfect i am; how i enjoy making use of people, how i need tons of make up to conceal my ugliness. i have changed. and it's not even the good change.

when you dont even fucking remember who you went home with last night, you know you're in a serious mess. is anyone gonna save me now? because i dont think god cares about me anymore.